From the journal of M.P.

June the 3rd, 2002
... delight, spring mood, thankful state. I would almost not have believed it, but it is reality: I stand before a new decision, a new turning point. And I had thought that it is the end and I would just wander. Amazing, the blissful feeling that I am standing before a new difficulty, is here again, is once more present. And thanks to what? I received a message that all will be O.K. I have to call A.K. and meet with her tomorrow.

June the 4th, 2002
The sky has opened again. I was so conventional. But now will come the purification / no it has to come/ — the pure form, connection of both parts. It has to work out, it will work out, I can get some more plastic bags, and if I don’t not succumb to the inebriation and confusion that distance me from my self.
A.K. has told me that she doesn’t have a specific vision but still has to wait for the thoughts to ripen. She was ecstatic about my plastic bags and she had perhaps the same thought - to not do anything intentionally beautiful!

June the 5th, 2002
A day of quiet composure, reading, calmness and immersion in myself.

June the 6th, 2002
I came out of a heavy nervousness, slowly back into my calm rhythm.
Tomorrow then we leave for Stuttgart.
A balance of mind — not an indifference.

June the 7th, 2002
It is 9 a.m. I stand in front of Display Gallery, where we have a meeting.
Nobody is here yet. Should I run away? To not say anything to anyone?
Perhaps not even to A.K.? That would be crazy, boys from Display would say. Nevertheless they are decided. What do I want then? Advantages, disadvantages, art?
It is 10 a.m. and we all sit in a car now. Maybe near Plzen. I do not know. I have to give up / and only with the price of sacrifices / photonovels, for which I have a talent and became a painter.
We are almost by the border.
What will A.K. exhibit, anyway?
She has been playing with the video camera for some time now and with a bottle of Fernet. While still in Prague she said that she is “internally full” of photographic snapshots and does not drink hard alcohol.
What do such artists have to do with cinematography? Should we again yield to Dionysian ecstasy? What do we miss? Real values, individuality, originals.
We stopped at several gas stations. Fantastic plastic bags! Purification! German nature slowly brings order to the chaos. A.K. finished the bottle and sleeps soundly. All is fate. Creation is also a fate!

June the 8th, 2002
Half an hour before the opening. Mean, cruel, narcotic hangover. Last night I did not manage to write a journal entry. Absolute art, pure form. So then, what happened? Miracle! Kind acceptance, German hospitality. A.K. against my warning used a belly-full of this hospitality. Almost went mentally collapsed but soon felt better. She vomited for a long time. And to not get it on my plastic bags, my carefully collected material, we would be still be cleaning the gallery.
But back to the exhibition.
The first visitors come. A.K. is completely O.K. and in fluent English welcomes everyone. She announces our mutual video story that we made yesterday. It is called Prager Friedhof and takes place at a nearby cemetery. German neatness! When A.K. recovered herself last night we had to take those plastic bags somewhere. No explanations. And now everyone watches how the plastic bags have something, some mysterious content that A.K. spreads among the graves. German patience! Someone asks — what is in those plastic bags? Here I am on thin ice myself as well. And what about the art? Should I give it up? No — I will not give up, yet.
Because the art lives, until it is controlled by the principle of inner necessity!!

June the 9th, 2002
We drive back to Prague. The result of one exhibition: immense canyon between art and the audience. Attempt to have a laugh over a sad fact.

01.04.2002